Friday, September 22, 2006
raur shit. i cant recover the post. i hope i wont miss out anything.
sometime back, i went and asked him if i was stopping or hindering him in any way, especially from seeing other girls. he scolded me for saying that, went on to explain some things [private] and i took his word for it. i never questioned.
now you came up to me, and the same thing is happening all over again.
and i cried, for a few reasons:
of course, i was sad you actually wanted me to let go. i have to admit that the thought of letting go has crossed my mind before, but i soon dismissed it. i said although i'm letting go, i'll still walk behind you, ready to catch you if you fell. but i have no confidence in myself. i dont know how long i can actually follow you; i'll soon get distracted by the things around me.
and if i didnt hold on, i will lose you before i know it.
i dont want to lose you.
i didnt know whether to feel loved or not. seriously, when i asked him that, it just occured to me that he should well deserve someone much better. and i just realised, it hurts when someone you love is sacrificing himself/herself just for your happiness. i never thought i could have hurt him by saying that.
i know if i let go, you'll hurt, as much as you say it wont.
because if he did, i would have dropped.
i just wanted the best for him, because he deserved the best, and i wasnt among them.
he asked me recently, what would become of me if he had let go.
i had no idea what to reply. i broke down, and he told me, next time, love yourself a little more.
i cried because i loved you so.
i cried because i loved him too.
because i wouldnt know what will happen to both of us if i let go.
because i had once been so close to losing him.
and now i have come this close to losing you.
hugging barry to sleep worked. we both have something in common, like you said.
we dont want to let go of the things we have, and we hold on to them dearly.
i'll hold on forever if i have to.
i dont want to see you fall.
COLOUR
my world @ 7:49 PM
